Cardiphonia

This is a bit of reading I found some time back, from the Cardiphonia letters by John Newton. He was in the habit of writing to his parishioners under a pen name and many helpful books have been the result. This quote is wonderful, though not at all encouraging. I'm completely guilty of every one of these sins, since - as Douglas Gresham, C. S. Lewis' step-son put it - Satan cannot create anything, and there are no new temptations. We suffer exactly the same temptations as everyone has through all history. I think we all need to see ourselves as we really are, helpless addicted sinners who have nothing outside of what God gives us in His mercy and love!

"... But if I was to describe [a believer] from experience, especially at some times, how different would the picture be. Though he knows that communion with God is his highest privilege, he too seldom finds it so. On the contrary, if duty, conscience, and necessity did not compel, he would leave the throne of grace unvisited from day to day. He takes up the Bible, conscious that it is the fountain of life and true comfort, yet perhaps while he is making the reflection, he feels a secret distaste which prompts him to lay it down and pick up a newspaper. He needs not to be told of the vanity and uncertainty of all beneath the sun, and yet, is almost as much elated or cast down by a trifle of those who have their portion in this world. He believes that all things shall work together for his good and that the most high God appoints, adjusts, and overrules all his concerns, yet he feels the rising of fear, anxiety and displeasure as though the contrary was true. He owns himself ignorant and liable to be deceived by a thousand fallacies, yet is easily betrayed into positiveness and self-conceit. He feels himself an unprofitable, unfaithful, unthankful servant and therefore blushes to harbor a thought of desiring the esteem and commendation of men, yet cannot suppress it. Finally, for I must observe to some bounds, on account of these and many other inconsistencies, he is struck dumb before the Lord, stripped of every hope and plea, but what is provided in the free grace of God, and yet his heart is continually leaving and returning to a covenant of works."