I have been praying and meditating all day. My mind is basically consumed with my inadequacy as a child of God. I'm overwhelmed with all the things I have yet to learn, or understand, or practice. Gentleness. Love. Diligence. Vision. Courage. Humility. Self-sacrifice. Seeking God and waiting for Him. All are traits that I thought I had learned, or maybe didn't need...
And here I thought I was pretty stinking good. I've thought that God has privileged me, everyone likes me. (At least that's what I'd like to think. Pretty sure I'm wrong on that one.) I have no major problems, and I'm already on the right track. I'm a Christian, I'm a truth-seeker. I work on reading my Bible, and meditating and praying, not just to check it off a list, but because I truly hunger for it. I'm not afraid or ashamed of sharing my faith.
But it's way too easy to become complacent. It's too easy to settle in and assume that you've reached a plateau. You assume that there's no upward trek, that it's easy cruisin', at least for the time being...
I had no major lessons to learn, I had no blatant sin in my life. But God has begun revealing more of Himself to me, and it puts me to shame. I am in awe of who God is, and broken by the sweetness and perfection of His Son. With every little thing I do, I am constantly reminded of how I could do better, what I'm lacking and how much I need the Lord's presence. My heart cries out for the Father's help, and He responds by telling me that He never left. I may have gotten distracted, but He never does. He's guiding me in the same way that I guide the little ones I nanny, whether I give Him the attention and credit, or not.
I don't want to focus on my privileges. But neither do I want to focus on my inadequacies. I don't want to have anything to boast in. No more idols. Sometimes... most times... my biggest idol is myself. I don't want to be focused on myself. Period.
I want to focus on God. Without distraction. Without complacency.
I want to be passionate about Him, I want to desire what He calls good. I want Him to break my heart for what breaks His. I want to love what He loves. In the light of His glory and grace, everything else will fade away.
And here I thought I was pretty stinking good. I've thought that God has privileged me, everyone likes me. (At least that's what I'd like to think. Pretty sure I'm wrong on that one.) I have no major problems, and I'm already on the right track. I'm a Christian, I'm a truth-seeker. I work on reading my Bible, and meditating and praying, not just to check it off a list, but because I truly hunger for it. I'm not afraid or ashamed of sharing my faith.
But it's way too easy to become complacent. It's too easy to settle in and assume that you've reached a plateau. You assume that there's no upward trek, that it's easy cruisin', at least for the time being...
I had no major lessons to learn, I had no blatant sin in my life. But God has begun revealing more of Himself to me, and it puts me to shame. I am in awe of who God is, and broken by the sweetness and perfection of His Son. With every little thing I do, I am constantly reminded of how I could do better, what I'm lacking and how much I need the Lord's presence. My heart cries out for the Father's help, and He responds by telling me that He never left. I may have gotten distracted, but He never does. He's guiding me in the same way that I guide the little ones I nanny, whether I give Him the attention and credit, or not.
I don't want to focus on my privileges. But neither do I want to focus on my inadequacies. I don't want to have anything to boast in. No more idols. Sometimes... most times... my biggest idol is myself. I don't want to be focused on myself. Period.
I want to focus on God. Without distraction. Without complacency.
I want to be passionate about Him, I want to desire what He calls good. I want Him to break my heart for what breaks His. I want to love what He loves. In the light of His glory and grace, everything else will fade away.
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